Tuesday, 2 June 2015

a guide to Scottish food

Found this quote on the internet:

 my theory is that all scottish cuisine is based on a dare

I agree with that 100% ! So here is my guide to Scottish cuisine.


Scotland's national dish. Here's the official description:

"Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck; minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and nowadays often in an artificial casing."

Doesn't that just scream "yummy in my tummy"??!!

Deep fried mars bar

"EATING a deep-fried Mars bar can raise the risk of having a stroke within minutes, doctors claim. Scotland’s unhealthiest snack – a whopping 1200 calories – is so full of fat that it slows the supply of blood to the brain. Experts say that men who already have narrow arteries are most in danger."
Well, duh!! I think it's especially funny that the article goes on to say it's mainly tourists who buy deep fried mar bars. Wonder if they mention the risk on the Scottish tourism website... 

Scotch pie

Bet you didn't know a pie could be political...

"Also known as mutton pies, these have a very long history. In the middle ages, they were frowned upon by the Scottish church, viewed as luxurious, decadent English-style food."

This is Betty's favourite snack in Lingerie Wars. 

Black pudding

Blood sausage. Need we say more. Yum. Yum. Best served fried in a vat of fat...

Potato scone

Also known as the tattie scone. Again, best served fried. (Are you picking up a pattern here? There's a reason the West of Scotland is known as the heart attack capital of the world!)

Scotch egg

Take a perfectly healthy freshly boiled egg. Wrap it in sausage. Coat in breadcrumbs and...you guessed it...deep fry it! 


And for desert you can eat yourself into a sugar coma. Tablet is made from condensed milk, butter and a tonne of sugar. Always book an appointment with the dentist before consuming. 


Flour, sugar, butter. Heaven. A crisp, buttery biscuit that melts in your mouth. Perfect with a cup of tea. Right, I'm getting hungry now...

Irn Bru

Scotland's other national drink. There used to be an ad on TV that said: "Barr's Irn Bru, made in Scotland from girders." I suspect it wasn't just a marketing slogan. I suspect it was truth! It also stains everything it touches. There is no stain remover alive that will get rid of an Irn Bru stain. Trust me, I've tried them all!


What can I say? After you eat all the stuff on this list you'll need some alcohol!

And that's it for my short guide to Scottish food. When trying to decide if a foodstuff is Scottish ask these questions:

Is it beige?
Is it full of butter or sugar?
Has it been fried?

If the answer is yes to more than one question, you've found another Scottish foodstuff! ;)

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