Tuesday, 9 June 2015

a rant about sleep deprivation

I’m in a mood. I can’t get any sleep and I’m like the Cranky Bear in the book. Yes, I’m referencing a kid's book. That’s how cranky I am. It's winter. I should be allowed to hibernate. At the very least I should be allowed to sleep!!!! This is the night I’ve just had:

10.30 pm I try to go to sleep. Husband's snoring sounds like a freaking fog horn. I try waking him by poking him in the side, tugging his duvet off him, coughing loudly and eventually get through to him by lobbing a pillow at his head.

11.15 pm Peanut cat wakes me up. She's sitting on my shoulder, giving my ear a wash. Get up. Wash ear. Turf cat out of room.

11.45 pm The dog is barking outside. I get up, drag on my gumboots and coat to investigate. The dog has taken offense to a possum in the grapefruit tree. The possum barks at me. The dog barks at the possum. I take the dog in the house and lock it in the laundry.

12.35pm I wake up to shouting. I rush into my five year old’s room. She’s put the light on and is standing in the middle of her room shouting at the ceiling. Apparently there’s something in the attic that’s scraping around and the noise is annoying her. I listen for the noise, half thinking she’s been dreaming. Yes, there’s a noise. No, I’m not going to crawl into the attic in the middle of the night to see what’s making it. It takes a while but I eventually get my irate girl back to bed.

1.25 am Just get to sleep, again, when there is howling in the kitchen. Charlie cat has brought in a mouse that’s now hiding behind the cooker. I throw Charlie in the laundry with the dog and shut the kitchen door. I don’t give a crap if the mouse eats its way through the pantry, I need to sleep.

2.05 am Five year old shouting at the ceiling again. Have explained, at length, that she needs to stop doing that.

3 am Husband is snoring. I’m visualising ways to shut him up that will involve a lengthy prison stay if I go through with them.

3.15 am Phone rings. Hubby’s work has called him by accident. Seriously!!!! The nurse manager on call says: “don’t worry, go back to sleep.” I WOULD IF I COULD!

4.20 am The cat and dog are fighting in the laundry. I’ve lost the will to live.

5 am My five year old wakes me up to tell me she’s solved the problem with the noise in the attic—she’s wearing earmuffs.

6 am Husband gets up. HE’S well rested. He wakes me up to give me a morning kiss. I think I hate him.

7.20 am My five year old wakes me. She wants me to plait her hair. I want to feed her the hairbrush.

8.30 am Hubby trying to get the kids out of the door for school. They all shout, repeatedly, outside my bedroom door. It goes like this:
Hubby: get your shoes on.
5 year old: I don’t know where they are
Hubby: how can you lose your shoes?
5 year old: I think the goat took them
Hubby: well wear your gumboots
5 year old: there’s a mouse in them…
I put my head under the pillow and scream. Loudly. No one seems to notice.

8.40 am They leave. They also don’t bother to shut the front door. The neighbour’s dog comes in and jumps on the bed beside me. I’m past caring. Let it jump. It eventually gets fed up and goes to find our dog. I drag myself out of bed to close the front door.

9.05 am Hubby comes home from the school run. He wakes me to tell me I can sleep.

I have now given up and I’m sitting her writing this while my eyes feel like they’ve been taken out and rolled in sand. The dog and Charlie cat are curled up around each other sound asleep. Hubby is in the attic hunting down the monster that’s making my daughter grumpy. I’ve told him that all creatures must be out of the attic by bedtime or I won’t be responsible for my actions. And as soon as I finish this, I need to go find the mouse that’s loose in the house. The animals have lost interest in it, so that leaves me to get the thing out of here.

If I’m lucky, I might get a nap later. With the mood I’m in, people better seriously hope I’m lucky!!

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