Thursday, 24 March 2016

I'm losing the war...

There is a very good chance that I'm losing my mind. I need to get this off my chest. This topic keeps me awake nights. It fills my days. I find myself mumbling about it in the supermarket. I am obsessed and I know it.

And all because of snails. Tiny. Evil. Snails.

Yep, this is a whole blog post about snails. Trust me, you'll understand my pain by the end of it.

You see, I have a little fish tank that sits on the corner of my desk. It had four little fish in it until my cat ate one, after that I upgraded to a tank with a lid. Anyway, the tank also had three snails. They were tiny, cute, acrobatic and entertaining. I often found myself smiling at the tank and going awwww.

The old bowl before the upgrade.

Little did I know that snails are evil.

One day, there were three tiny cute snails. Two weeks later there were seventy-two! Yeah, you read that right - 72! I'm anal, I counted. They were taking over the tank. The fish were hiding in one corner, terrified. So I removed the snails, very carefully because at this point I still liked them. I put them in another bowl just for them and congratulated myself on a clean tank.
The next morning there were seven more snails in the fish tank. I was amused. How did I miss the little darlings? I scooped them out and put them with the other snails.

The cat proof - but not snail proof - tank

Two days later there were 14 more snails in the fish tank and I started to get a little irritated. Not to mention the 79 in the snail bowl had multiplied to a number I wasn't able to count - because, I've discovered, all snails do is eat, poo, bonk and reproduce. That's it and they do it a LOT. I cleaned out the fish tank again, put the new snails in the snail bowl and took the foul smelling bowl to our stream to free the snails.

The next day there were ten more snails in the fish tank. I didn't smile. It wasn't funny. I cleaned out the tank. Washed everything thoroughly and removed the snails to the stream.

And yes, I found more snails. This went on, day in day out for two weeks until I had another snail bowl full of the little buggers! It was time for drastic measures. I threw out everything in the fish tank except the fish. Replaced all toys and sand with new. Cleaned the filter meticulously. And sat back to look at my snail free tank.

Last night for the first time in weeks, I slept well. Secure in the knowledge I'd won the war.

I just looked in my tank and there are two baby snails. I swear they're laughing at me. My eye is beginning to twitch. My normally cheery disposition has long gone. The peace the tiny tank was supposed to bring is shattered. I'm losing the war. The snails are winning.

The new clean tank with the two bloody snails circled!

I don't know where they come from. I don't know how they get in there. All I know at this point is that I hate snails. With every fiber of my being, I hate snails. And I will prevail. They can't keep me down for long. I will bounce back and I will win this war - even if it takes a three liter bottle of bleach to do it, because I no longer want to save the little buggers and free them in the stream.

No, now I want to annihilate them.

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