|I painted that table...and three doors, |
a cupboard and a wall...
|yeah, I don't know why I painted |
the wall green either...
2. Instead of writing the book, write notes about the book all over the walls you've just painted. And on your whiteboards. Then use up all your sticky notes - which you should put around your computer for maximum impact. Now look around your room, congratulate yourself on all your hard work, and then celebrate with tea and cake.
|this shows part of two massive whiteboards covered in notes|
3. Instead of marketing your books, write a list of all the marketing you need to do - then go have cake and tea to celebrate your lovely list.
5. Spend hours farting around on Facebook. Justify it by telling yourself you're building relationships with readers and making friends. After all you don't want to be a sad, isolated, lonely writer. It's important for a writer to look after their mental health. (Although, at this point I'm not sure I can still call myself a writer, as writers write!)
|filling facebook with "quality" posts|
is a good use of a writer's time...
7. Brush the horses. They're very dirty and it's distracting you from working.
8. Go through all your old photos. You haven't looked at them in years and there might be stuff in there that you can use for research and inspiration.
9. Spend hours in the shop browsing stationary because if you had the perfect notebook and pen you could write anywhere. Then have tea and cake in a cafe to celebrate buying a new notebook and pen.
|it helps if your new notebook is labelled especially for writers -|
it will show that you've taken your shopping trip seriously
10. Convince yourself that you can't write until you've spent time on the treadmill. You need the exercise because you spend so much time sitting while you write. Really, you need the exercise to work off all that celebratory tea and cake...
This is how not to get a book written. It's really easy. Give it a go. Anyone can do it!
p.s. Number 11. Write a blog post on procrastination instead of writing your book. Call it marketing, or reader relations, or letting the muse out, or getting into the swing of writing again. Whatever you call it, make sure to celebrate when you finish - with tea and cake.