Wednesday, 31 May 2017

The criminal chicken

I abducted a chicken. It wasn’t intentional. I was driving home, saw an orange chicken at the side of the road and assumed it was my escape artist chicken. I screeched to a halt, threw her into the passenger seat, then lectured her all the way home. It was only when I put her in the coop I realised my mistake—mainly because my chicken came out to mock me. I then put the stolen chicken back in the car and drove her home—all the while hoping her real owners wouldn’t notice when I dropped her off and ran.

One day, I plan to dye my Silkie chickens pink!

I’d like to say this sort of event is rare, but it really isn’t. Out of all our rescued pets Lizi-chicken is the most work. She likes to wander into the house and make herself at home. You don’t know she’s there until she coos at you. I can’t count the number of times that chicken has made me scream. Because, seriously, would you expect to find a chatty chicken when you opened a closet? I couldn’t figure out how she was getting into the house until I spotted her climbing through the cat flap one day. So I locked the flap. Now she walks around the house and pecks at the front door until someone opens it for her, then she walks in like she owns the place.

Our chickens

She’s even been dragged home by the cops. I was sitting writing one day when the doorbell rang. I answered only to find a cop standing with a chicken under his arm. My chicken.
“Is this your chicken?” he asked.
I’m ashamed to admit I thought about lying. My brain was full of all kinds of criminal damage the chicken could have caused. Damage I would be responsible for fixing. (I’m a writer. I have a good imagination!)
“Madam,” the guy said. “Is this your chicken?”
“Um, maybe?” I said as the chicken cooed, “I love you mummy.”
Turns out she hadn’t been arrested, he’d just picked her up from the middle of the road instead of running over her. Yay for us…
I took her from the cop, she scrambled out of my arms and made a beeline for the cat food. I smiled at the cop and shrugged, “chickens,” I said, “what can you do?” The guys shook his head as he climbed back into his car.
Meanwhile, I dragged the chicken away from the cat food and tossed her out the back door. Five minutes later my pet sheep walked past my office window with the chicken on her back. I don’t know where they were going, but the chicken seemed to be in charge.

Take my advice. If you want a pet, get fish…


  1. OMG - this cracked me up! Pets eh? (wry grin) (shaking head)

    1. Our pets are more trouble than the kids, Dani! :)